her vagine was all disorganized.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Alive.
So much puke
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
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the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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