I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
