Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
