Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
