yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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