...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You don't make any sense
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