i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
