I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
