Sry I called you an 8
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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