I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
