Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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