i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My dick has a subreddit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
