she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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