There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
