There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
