I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
