Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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