I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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