That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
