I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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