Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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