you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
