the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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