One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
