I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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