also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
