my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
is it fun? or sober?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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