Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh god the rape fog is back!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
