remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
