I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
