I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
