You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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