The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
