you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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