Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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