i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
