he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
