dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
