Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
