okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So much Jack, so little girl.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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