I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
