Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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