i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
