Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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