dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
