Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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