My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
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HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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