I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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