haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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