Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
