apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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