I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts