So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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