i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor