I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
