im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dignity is for republicans.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately