Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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