Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
