It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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