Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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