I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
