Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
