A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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