I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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