Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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