just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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