He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
