see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
