At least make sure they are 18
Why
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
