it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
