is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If that was your dad, he is hot
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
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we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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