I'm lost and stupid without you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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