I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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