Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your penis caused this!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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