My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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