her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
