Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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