This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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