woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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