I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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