apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
