Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
