My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The feeling are messing with the penis
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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